33 - Mask

I made the mistake of flicking through the TV channels and stopping at the new singing show, The Masked Singer. 

The conceit of this is that famous people get dressed up in weird costumes and sing in front of a celeb panel and the studio audience. And the panel have to try to guess who is beneath the mask...

...it sounds dreadful. And it is. But it's compellingly dreadful. As I type this, Alan Johnson, former MP, is singing Walk Like an Egyptian. Badly. Half dressed as a Pharaoh. Yesterday, Patsy Palmer, Bianca from TV's EastEnders, was a butterfly. I should not be watching it. 

But somehow it's entirely compelling. 

And I now know I'll end up trying to see every episode, and try to work out who is in each costume. I've no idea who most of them are. 

Except the unicorn.

The unicorn is Captain Jack Harkness, from TV's Doctor Who; John Barrowman. 

Of that, I am sure. 

32 - Owls

I suppose one post-script to yesterday's post is that over the years I had all sorts of notions as to how to bring back Twin Peaks. 

When it came back, it was completely different to how I imagined. And that was a good thing. The utter masterpiece that David Lynch and Mark Frost served up was beyond my wildest dreams. 

Just wonderful.

And one day - actually, over the course of several days - I expect I'll go in to exactly why. It'll take me a while...

31 - Reviving

All sorts of things find themselves floating around in my mind; I often think, for example, of how I'd bring back long dead TV shows if I were in charge of them (which I never am, 'cos I don't work in television). So, for a bit of pure self indulgence, here's how I'd bring back a handful of TV shows;

Press Gang

There're really two ways to do this that are completely unrelated to each other. 

The first is to do a kind of soft reboot of the show, on CBBC perhaps, with a set of kids in a modern day school working on a paper - possibly initially as a school project with the paper set to run just a few issues. You'd have the clash between the new (mobile phones, apps, social media) with the old (print media) at the core of things. But here's the kicker... the Matt Kerr figure in the new run would be Lynda Day. And the clash between the old and new tech would be mirrored in the old (Lynda) and the new (whoever the editor of the school paper is). As per the original run it could tackle the issues facing kids today. And where the stories fit you could have other original cast members in it. I mean, an investigation in to dodgy business practices of a local company... who else but CME? 

The other is to go full on 9PM BBC1 flagship drama, and focus on one of the original characters as they are as they approach 50 (oh, how time flies). I mentioned Lynda before, but she's who I'd focus on here as you can imagine Lynda rising to the heights of editing a daily national newspaper; and knowing how Lynda would pursue a story you can imagine the kind of things that she might get up to... but would she sanction phone hacking, etc? And again, bring in the other characters as they are needed. 

Ahh...but could Dexter Fletcher be persuaded to step back in front of the camera?

Quantum Leap

Continuation or reboot is the key question here, and the only acceptable answer is "continuation". Get Scott Bakula back as Sam, and just carry on as before with the leaps. The more contentious questions is; what do we do about the observer?

'Cos whatever happens the one thing that's certain is that Dean Stockwell can't return as Al. Stockwell is now very old indeed, not in good health, and has retired from acting. Whether he could come back for a very brief cameo in a first episode of a revival would even very much be in doubt. 

So, what to do?

My gut feeling is that whoever it is the dynamic between Sam and the new observer has to be different to Sam and Al. I'd probably go with one of two options. First would be one of Al's daughters (remember that caption in Mirror Image...), second would be Sam's daughter. I know... there's never a mention of Sam having had a daughter. But think... what if Sam and Donna got jiggy in The Leap Back... there you go. 

Just keep anything relating to real people to a minimum, used sparingly it's effective, all the time it gets boring. And importantly, remember what the end of the Lee Harvey Oswald episode implies...

The Bill

I'd love to see The Bill come back. It should never have been axed in the first place. You could just drop back in on Sun Hill at any time and carry on with things. You'd want a couple of familiar characters there, and load of new people, and just get on with the issues that are facing the Police today, and the crimes happening. Like the original run it could range from low level ASB up to murder, it could look at county line drugs problems, child sexual exploitation, pretty much any offences, really. 

You'd have some stories that are concluded in one episode, and others arching over weeks, months, and even years, with some villains continually cropping up. You'd also have plenty of occasions where the wrong 'uns get away with it (like in real life). Sun Hill always had a clear up rate that any real police force would kill for. It was also the most dangerous police station in the country, though...!

So, familiar characters... I'd like the Superintendent to either be Yvonne Hemmingway or Gina Gold. Get Alex Walkinshaw out of Holby and back as Smithy, now a Chief Inspector. That's probably all you'd need. 

Well, maybe Burnside for just one episode, perhaps as a victim of crime?

There's a whole host of other shows I could waffle on about, but i might save them for another time...  

30 - Reviewing

I'm probably not the first to point this out, but I'm going to have a little mini-rant about it, but; Amazon's review system is, for the most part, rubbish.

I'm not talking here about the allegations of fake reviews (though if this is true, this is a problem), but about various practices that make reviews either completely pointless, or a chore to go through... I'm going to use Star Wars stuff as the examples here. There are two main problems. 

First problem is the inconsistency of allowing product to be reviewed before it's even been released. Take a look at the Blu-Ray release of Rise of Skywalker. There are currently 44 reviews. Not a single person actually owns a copy of the release. They're all reviewing the movie they saw at the cinema. Which is useless. It doesn't tell you about the quality of the Blu Ray, or how good the extras may be, or anything else. That's what I want to know about from the reviews. 

Second problem is combining reviews of different editions; say, for example I want to read a review of the Collectors Edition of The Force Awakens. Apparently there are currently 12,111 reviews of it... but no; a majority of these (I stopped after page 2) are reviewing other editions of the film, so there's a heck of a lot to wade through to read actual reviews of the collectors edition. 

A further example are the 2,020 (what a coincidence!) reviews of 3D version of Episode 4... Strewth, I thought, I didn't even know that had been released in 3D. Imagine watching the Tantive IV being pursued by the Star Destroyer in 3D... well, imagine is what you'll have to do as the 3D version was never released, and the reviews are for other editions of the movie. 

Now, I chose a high profile set of films to illustrate this problem, and I could have chosen anything else; it exists across all films and TV shows with multiple editions. And books. And it makes a mockery of the review system. 

Perhaps a solution would be to restrict all reviews to people who have purchased (and received) an item from Amazon, which would then link back to the specific edition purchased. That would stop the problems in one. It would mean fewer reviews, but they would be more meaningful and useful. 

29 - N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-nineteen

I have been somewhat remiss in writing new content for this blog, but I hope this will change and it will become rather more active. I realise I may have said something similar before, and it's not happened. But this time it'll be different. Promise. 

I may have said that before, also...

...anyhow, on with the show;

I did think of doing something radical in this first post of 2020, but what the heck, let's do a boring, traditional, look back at the previous year. 

So, 2019, what a shitstorm of a year that was. The biggest thing politically remained that most divisive of subjects; Brexit. After having been postponed twice, from the end of March to the end of October (Halloween... how very appropriate) to the end of January it looked like there might be a chance to get it stopped with the December general election.

Hmm...

That was a bit of a balls up, wasn't it? 

Before going on I guess I should return to a couple of things I've said before;

Firstly I've often quoted something Nigel Farage said when he thought he was going to lose the referendum; "In a 52-48 referendum this would be unfinished business by a long way." A stopped clock is right twice a day, and this was a rare occasion where Farage was right. That he backtracked on this comment when this result meant he won was neither here nor there. 

Secondly, I've mentioned that the 2016 referendum was a referendum on a theoretical version of Brexit. Over the time since then exactly what it will mean has been refined, and there is a deal in place. Shit deal, but it's there, and gives more clarity to things. Arguably, the December 2019 election, with Mr Johnson's key slogan, "Get Brexit Done", acted as a de-facto second referendum.

Mr Johnson's clear victory ends the parliamentary deadlock there has been since Mrs May's 2017 election. It puts in place enough MPs to vote for anything of a Brexit flavour Mr Johnson wishes to put through. There can be no more delays, we leave at the end of January. 

So, with no other route I can see to stop the folly that is Brexit, it is time to admit defeat. Well done, Brexiteers, you've finally (and this time, decisively), won. 

All you have to do now is prove me, and and everyone else like me, wrong. Make a success of Brexit. Ensure the United Kingdom thrives outside of the European Union. In a couple of years time I genuinely want to be able to say "I was wrong" as we go from strength to strength as a country. But it's on you Brexiteers to sort this, and ensure prosperity. I've no idea as to how this could happen, but I guess you must have a plan, and will carry it out. 

In the words of Ru-Paul; don't fuck it up. 

Speaking of whom; I did find myself very much enjoying the first season of the UK version of Ru-Paul's Drag Race. I'd seen bits of the US version before, but it never gelled with me, but there was something about this version that just seemed right. Maybe it was the familiar faces on the judging panel, or the queens themselves, but it was just great fun. Even though Baga Chipz was robbed. She was my favourite throughout, and I had her down as the winner. 

(Incidentally; was I the only one to think Davina Di Campio bore an uncanny resemblance to Alexander from Russell T Davies' breakthrough show, Queer as Folk?)

And of course (I'm digging these segues...) Russell was back this year with his scarily relevant drama Years and Years, which showed the world over the next 15 years descending in to a dystopian society. The thing is, though, it was all too believable. Looking at the world as it is now, most of what happens you can extrapolate from current events. Vivienne Rook is the logical step of populist, soundbite, politics. (See Mr Johnson's "Get Brexit Done" - how many other Tory policies from the election can you recall.) 

This was a family drama as an analogy for the world at large. Yes, the family ticked pretty much every diversity box, but that was the whole point of the thing. They were the springboard for each of the various plot strands, and it was a compact way of doing so without having to have ever straining ways to get the strands together. 

To my mind, there was one key moment of the series, which was when the matriarch of the family delivered her blistering speech where she blamed the family - and by extension the whole world - as being responsible for how things turned out. "This is the world we built." she concludes, and she was entirely correct. All too often we think we are just one person and as such are unable to make a difference. But all change starts with a single person, and you never can tell who that person will be. It could be you. Yes, you, reading this now. You might be the next person who could make a real change. You think you can't? Well, you've lost already. I mean, what chance an person could change the world... I mean, someone ordinary, could never do that...

...meanwhile, in Sweden, a 15 year old schoolgirl goes on strike from attending school. On her own. That could never grow in to something big, could it?

Greta Thunberg's rise to prominence over the last year has been blistering. She has probably raised more awareness of the climate emergency facing our planet than any other individual. Two years ago, you'd never heard of her. Her speech to Davos was one of the moments of the year, and gave hope that maybe this time there is a chance that things will be done to help reduce some of the damage we're doing to the planet. 

I say "this time" as I remember similar things being said about saving the planet when I was at school in the 80s - then the destruction of the ozone layer, and the overuse of CFCs would end up cooking the earth up due to the greenhouse effect. There was a sense of urgency then, too; it's still ongoing. 

Her speech ended with;

"Adults keep saying: “We owe it to the young people to give them hope.” But I don’t want your hope. I don’t want you to be hopeful. I want you to panic. I want you to feel the fear I feel every day. And then I want you to act.

I want you to act as you would in a crisis. I want you to act as if our house is on fire. Because it is."

Over the year we've seen protests about the climate emergency on a scale not seen before - the Extinction Rebellion action around Easter closing down roads in London for days on end was unprecedented. And I get the feeling it's only the beginning, and there will be much more in 2020, and on a bigger scale. 

And it is people like Greta who give me hope. Hope that there is a chance that the world won't end up like the one predicted in Years and Years. The word we build over the coming years is up to us. Every single one of us. We will all have our part to play, and all we can do is our best. 

Good luck, everyone.

28 - Brextreme.

Well, this Brexit malarkey is leaving us all in a right pickle, isn't it? Is there really anyone, on either side of the debate, that can genuinely say they are happy how things have turned out? I'd say probably very few indeed.

I'll be honest; back on referendum day I voted to remain, and I still think that's what we should do. But in the lead up to the referendum I actually paid much more attention to what the leave campaign said than the remain campaign. This was for the primary reason that I believe in a referendum whereby the choice is between "keeping things as they are" or "changing things" the onus is on the latter to prove their case. 

I put aside personalities, and focused on the issues, and the arguments for leaving. I listened, I read, I paid attention. I heard so many arguments. I was open to being convinced. And, despite all that, they never did convince me. 

Looking back at the hoo-ha of the last 33 months, it seems to me there were four potential outcomes by the end of the process. And, as close as we may be to the end, we're not quite there. 

As surely the whole point of a decision like this is to ensure the country is in the best possible position it could be, I'll rank them in order of how good they are for the country... 

...bearing in mind what I said above, Number 1 may surprise you...

1 - A Brexit deal that leaves us better off than we are. 

Yes. You read that right. Me, a Remoaner, saying this is the best possible outcome? Well, yes, clearly it would be. Had the Government managed to somehow negotiate a deal that leaves the country in a position whereby it would be better to leave Europe than remain in Europe this has to be the best possible outcome. That is entirely logical. Had the government managed to get us such a deal, I would willingly have conceded that I was wrong. The country would be in a stronger position. But, sadly, no such deal has been made. 

2 - Remaining in the EU.

In other words; just staying as we are. We would be neither better off, nor worse off, than we currently are. 

3 - a bad deal.

In other words, a deal that would leave us worse off than we currently are. This is, sadly, exactly what Theresa May's deal is. It would leave us locked in to many aspects of the EU, but as we would not be members of the EU we would get no say in to what happens when rules change. The EU would say to us "jump" and we would say "how high?". Pointless. The EU has also made it clear that this is the only deal on the table. Therefore, the deal at #1 is impossible. 

4 - no deal. 

Crashing out of the EU with no deal would be a complete disaster. Anyone that thinks it would be a good idea must have rocks in their heads. I've no desire to go in the the full whys and wherefores; there are plenty of articles out there on the web. Read them.

Conclusion.

Given the absence of a deal as described in #1, it is clear that the best option for the country is to just scrap the whole Brexit malarkey, and remain in the EU. It is the only option currently available to us that would mean that the country is not worse off than we are now.