12 - Writing.

As well as this blog, I have been trying to write fiction. I read an interesting thing about writer's block this week which goes something along the lines of; writer's block is your brain's way of telling you the idea you're having is rubbish, and to get you to keep on going until you write something decent. 

My brain must be a perfectionist. 

Of course, I say this just at the time I'm about to have a couple of (very!) short stories published in a charity anthology. It is, at least, as start. From a small acorn will grow a mighty oak... at least I hope it will. 

I have all sorts of fragments of writing here and there, with half started novels, partly described scenes, barely conceived ideas, and words that seem to just tumble off the page. 

There are a couple of things whirling around in my mind at the moment, but I'm just not happy with them, and if I'm not happy with them at this stage, how can I be happy writing them, let alone expecting people to actually shell out money and read them?

I guess I'll get there in the end... watch this space.

11 - Description.

I do wonder if I should give up online dating. I'm not entirely sure it's working. And I think the problem is probably me, and that I'm not exactly what you would call a catch. Oh, and I suck at dating. (See post 3.)

Online dating has been described as a numbers game in that you end up looking through loads of profiles, messaging a number of these profiles, having actual proper communication with some of these, and going on dates with some of these... a subset of a subset of a subset of the whole. And for me that final number is quite a small number.

My online profile varies between the different apps/sites, I'm on six, but they all at least tell some details about my personal circumstance, albeit in varying levels of detail (essentially; widower, two kids). I did wonder what it was about me that meant I got few hits.

Then I got the answer.

About a week or so ago I got a new dating app, Hinge. #7... In that app, I used the same set of pictures as the other apps/sites... well, I think I added in a couple of different ones. But I omitted the crucial detail mentioned in the brackets in the last paragraph. The result...

...well, I got more responses, and more interest, in that one week so far on that app than from the other six apps put together, over the last month.

I realise that this may not be the most scientific approach in that it's hardly a double-blind experiment (I don't even know how I would set that up!), but as a rough and ready way of assessing what about my profiles is off-putting it is pretty telling.

Clearly, with those I've messaged on Hinge, depending on if conversation is heading towards meeting I'll tell them about things before we meet. I wonder what will happen... 

10 - Photographs.

Whilst, yes, this blog is not meant to have a specific theme, given that it's all about digression, this is yet another dating post...

One of the things that can be very tricky is to choose the correct photographs to go on your profile; especially your main profile picture. Your main picture, especially on the swiping apps, is the one that has the most riding on it and may cause a potential date to either look in more detail at your other pictures, and the profile, or to swipe left and end all possibilities.

I'm not going to claim my pictures are perfect, but there's one thing that grates to me in pictures on dating sites; and that's pictures with other people in.

Now, I know that it's good to have pictures of you with your friends, etc. But I don't need to see pictures of them. I've lost count of the number of times I've looked at a profile picture of two people, thought “oh, I hope she's the one on the left”, looked at further photos and realised that no... that's just her friend.

And that's not even counting the profiles where there's two, or three, or four people on every single photo, and you have to try to work out which one it is. I have seen some profiles where there's a couple of people in every picture. How am I meant to tell which is which!

Lastly, pictures of kids. I don't mind if you've got kids, but is it appropriate to put pictures of them on a dating site where there may be all sorts of weirdos about?

I mean, it's not a tricky problem to solve. Just paint out the faces of anyone that's not you. I see some that do this, and it's such a relief. There's no ambiguity. Or even just a caption saying “that's me fourth from right, on the second row, with the fez on my head”. Just make sure it's clear...

9 - Decisions.

One of the things I like in fiction is how small decisions can have big consequences. Especially when they are decisions that seem inconsequential, and the subsequent consequences are completely unpredictable, yet completely logical.

I mean, take a look at an often quoted decision in Star Wars. Near the start of the first film (that is, the first one made; not episode 1) an escape pod is jettisoned from the captured Tantive IV. Someone on the Star Destroyer holding the ship orders his lackeys not to fire as there are no signs of life.

That escape pod, of course, held C3P0 and R2D2; the latter of which held the plans to the Death Star. In choosing not to shoot down that escape pod, a chain of events was set in motion that led to the destruction of the Death Star and the eventual downfall of the Empire.

Had that escape pod been destroyed, none of that could have happened, and the Empire would probably have been in charge for a heck of a lot longer...

And things can work like this is real life as well. From a personal perspective, I made an inconsequential decision back in January 1998. At least, that's the way it seemed. However, that decision put me on a path that took me to where I am now. I do sometimes wonder what would have happened had I not made that decision. The places I'd have gone. Or not gone. The people I'd never have met. And the people who'd never have been born.

Back then. January 1998. I was in a rut. I needed change, but I had no idea how to go about it. Nothing I was doing was changing anything. But then, slowly, over the year, events brought about by that small decision, changed everything...

And now I feel in a rut again. I need change. I know the things I need to change, and some ways I think I should use to effect a change. But it doesn't seem to be working.

What I need is that small decision... and then everything will be alright. 

8 - Alright.

On a day like today, I think we could all be reminded of the aphorism said by Mark Kermode many times on his Wittertainment podcast (ably assisted by Simon Mayo);

Everything will be alright in the end. And if it's not alright, it's not the end.

Today everything is far from alright. But it's not the end, oh no, it's far from the end. 

It's as bad as the Brexit vote. But, it is the will of the people as voted in a democratic process, and abide by it all of us must...

...but we don't have to like it. 

7 - Digression.

Actually, I suppose I should probably should give over a few moments to explaining why the blog is called what it is... although I guess Holden's comment that “...I like it when somebody digresses. It's more interesting and all.” does kind of sum it all up in a rather succinct manner.

I want my blog to be able to be a place for me to yak about anything I feel I want to yak about. In many ways, I could do all of this on Faceache, but going back to look at old posts is a pain on there, and besides; on here you can give labels to posts so that you can see all posts relating to a specific subject. Assuming I remember to label properly...

You'll have seen some examples now of things I've yakked about. A couple of posts about dating (and expect more about this topic; I have a lot to say...), and a couple on recent news events.

But there'll be much more that this kind of thing. One post I'm also working on at the moment is one about how great SpiceWorld is, and there'll be posts about all sorts of TV shows old, and new. Ditto to films. And I expect there'll be a few posts about The Catcher in the Rye as well. I do need to dig out that picture of the lagoon in Central Park...

So, yes. All sorts of things. I'll try to update as frequently as possible, but there may be days between posts. Or then there might be three posts in a single day. Depends how much I have to say...

6 - Brexit

So, this Brexit vote today... there seems to be a lot of gnashing of teeth that this means Brexit is now off. Er... no. It's not off. What it means is that the nature of Brexit can now be fully debated in Parliament to ensure that it is conducted in the best possible way (or perhaps alternatively; the least worst way).

Hopefully, it will also mean that the means can be put in place to ensure that the promises made by the leave campaign prior to the referendum can be put in place; for example, I trust Theresa May and her Chancellor will find a way to ensure that the £350 million a week we pay to the EU goes instead to the NHS.

This ruling will enable Parliament to scrutinise such things to make sure they happen, and that guarantees are in place prior to Article 50 being invoked.

So, Brexit is not off. It's just been made more accountable, and more likely to be done in a way that makes it better for the country.

Of course, there is a possibility that Parliament might vote to veto the referendum result. But I can't see that happening.

Unfortunately.

5 - Poppies.

Just a couple of things about this whole Poppies on football shirts malarkey...

From what I can gather this issue has only flared up *once* before, in 2011, when a compromise was made whereby home nations teams were allowed to wear black armbands with poppies on for the FIFA matches being played. You would think this would be a much more regular occurrence, going back many years, but no...

It had never come up before then, as prior to that date the home nations teams had *never* worn poppies on their football shirts in any year before then.

In fact, the wearing of poppies sewn on to football shirts only became universal (in the Premier League) since... erm... 2010, and the earliest date I can find to a team doing this is 2003, and they were stated to be the first team ever to do so.

So, it's hardly a long standing tradition. And it's also not like there can't be other tributes paid to the those who died in wars as wreaths can be laid, or a two minute silence held, or a brass band can play The Last Post, or anything else the team might like to do.

It's just for a FIFA sanctioned match, you can't adorn your shirt with anything that doesn't fit with their very narrow kit regulations. No additional images, symbols, or logos, are allowed, and this is applied to all countries in FIFA matches.

Whether the poppy is, or isn't, a political symbol is irrelevant (I would say it isn't; FIFA disagree), as even if FIFA hadn't deemed it political it wouldn't be allowed anyway, as the rule notes;

"On all Playing Equipment items used on, or brought into (permanently or temporarily), the Pitch Area, for all Matches, any form of advertising for sponsors, products, Manufacturers (exceeding the extent of Manufacturer’s Identifications permitted under Chapter VI above), Suppliers or any third parties, of political, religious, commercial, personal statements, images and/or
other announcements, is strictly prohibited."

If not political, it would fail on other counts, anyway.

Just wear the armbands. The precedent has been set. 

4 - Messages.

Continuing on from the previous post, another thing that gets my goat about online dating is messaging. At times.

If it's a site like OkCupid or Plenty of Fish where you can send a message to pretty much anyone, to not get a reply isn't unexpected, and to get one message back for every ten first messages sent wouldn't be too bad a ratio. I suspect my actual ratio is somewhat lower.

But for places like Tinder or Bumble, where you can only exchange messages once you've both “liked” each other, to not reply to a message seems odd. I mean, if you had no intention of messaging or anything why “like” in the first place. I guess I could appreciate it if it were only a few times this happens, but it seems to be the norm.

Maybe I'm unusual. Maybe I'm a rare person that only swipes right if I really would send a message to the person. But to me that seems to be a logical thing to do. Why swipe right if you don't have any intention of following it up?

Ah, well...