The thought does sometimes enter my mind as to whether I’ll be single for the rest of my life. I realise this may be a somewhat pessimistic outlook, but perhaps it may be realistic, and with how 2020 has been going, the isolation and all that pandemic related malarkey, makes me increasingly think this is my future.
And it’s not even necessarily a bad thing.
I have now spent close to 8 and a half years as a single
chap, and I am somewhat used to just doing exactly what I feel like, when I
feel like it – subject to restrictions of needing to do pesky things like working,
and planning around school days/holidays and the other fun things the kids do. Oh,
and of course, traversing the may different rules of the lockdowns this year.
But, ultimately, decision are mine, and I am rather used to how life is.
I sometimes wonder if I’ve spent so much time single that I’d
be no good in any kind of relationship, or that I’d need a lot of knocking in
to shape to be even remotely bearable around, and that I’d put off anyone that
might even contemplate a date with me? You may think this is, again, pessimism;
but precedent set would point in this direction. I mean, of the handful of
dates I have been in on recent years virtually all of them I’ve thought have
gone well… until the inevitable “nah, not for me” follow up. Even the rarer
second dates have failed to lead to a third.
Oh. Well.
And also I really don’t like dating as a concept much anyway
as it’s far too much like a two way job interview with all the questions etc (I’ve
been told I both ask too many and too few questions!), and trying to cram as
much in as you can in a pretty short amount of time. Sometimes the conversation
flows better than others, but I guess that’s a part of how things are; conversations
with someone you’ve only just met will never be the same as with those who have
been your friends for many years. You don’t yet have the shortcuts, in-jokes,
and knowledge of the kind of things the other will find funny etc. These things
take time, which is in short supply on a date. Also, to be honest, on a first
date I really don’t care what your job is; all that can come later. I mean,
chances are it’s not that exciting; certainly mine isn’t. I’d rather be talking
about the things you choose to do, hobbies, interests, likes, dislikes,
opinions on things. All that is much, much, more interesting. I remember one
date was a massive EastEnders fan; she talked for ages about that, and it was
great. Can’t remember her job at all.
Of course, you have to get someone to go on a date with you
in the first place, and these days that’s mainly the apps; even when you match with
someone only a small number will actually bother to message you back. And then
it’s hard to know exactly what to say in your first message. I always try to
make sure I include something that shows I’ve actually paid attention to her
profile, so it doesn’t sound like it’s a generic message that could be sent to
anyone (though I admit, I have sent some of these). I mean, I don’t expect a
reply within 30 seconds of hitting “send”, but when you look in your inbox and
see piles of messages without replies it does get a little disheartening. Almost
wish you’d not got the match in the first place.
Looking back, I sound like a right moaning old whingebag,
and that’s really not the tone I was aiming for here. I do retain at least a
little optimism that I might not be single forever, but I am much less worried
about it than I might have been in the past. I have far fewer expectations now
than I might have had in the past, and I guess whatever happens, happens.
No-one knows just what the future holds, and in some ways
that’s exciting. The pandemic has put things on hold for a while, but it won’t
last forever. You never know, maybe a match or two might work out how to reply
to a message and it could be the start of something big? Or maybe the start of
something nothing much at all?
Either way there’s only one way to find out…
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