I hate
dating. It's a right pain in the arse. At the age I am, I never
thought it would be something I have to worry about; but
circumstances meant that from the middle of 2012 I've been single.
And over the last year and a half I've been on a few dates, and
slowly I'm finding my hope that this endeavour might be a success is
slipping away.
It
seems that everything is always based on a sense of immediacy, that
if you don't have fireworks and a massive initial spark on first
meeting that, well, there's no way it can go anywhere, and there's
not a chance for anything in the future. Everything rests on that
first date, and first dates are nerve shredding experiences.
It's
very hard to be completely yourself when you first meet someone, as
you're both trying to present the best possible picture you can of
yourself in the hope that you might both get that mutual, immediate,
spark. There's a school of thought that says a first date is almost
like a mutual job interview; but that seems to be a rather too
cynical way of thinking of it. Whatever your mindset, your whole
future with (or without) the person you are dating is almost always
based on those couple or three hours you spend together.
And it
is a restrictive way of doing things; you're really not yourself. The
nerves, the intent to impress, the lack of any shared background...
just think about all your friends, and those who you have had
relationships with. There's that shared history, the in-jokes you
have with each other, the phrases that evoke memories acting as a
kind of shorthand. These just aren't there in a first date, and
there's just not time to build them up, unless you are very
lucky.
I'm
not saying it never works for anyone. I'm just saying it probably
doesn't work for me. I suck at dating. Or maybe I'm just doomed to be
single forever, and there's no-one else out there for me.
But
the thing is, it's not like I've actually hated the dates I've been
on; almost all of them I very much liked (but there was the one
really bad one...),
and almost without exception (that one!) I'd have liked to have
gotten to know my date better. Having said that though, and this may
seem to be a bit contradictory, there's not anyone that after just a
first date that I've been 100% sure I'd definitely have wanted a
relationship with; but I would certainly have liked the chance to
have had more dates to find out, to get to know them better, and to
just see how things developed.
Maybe
I'm out of step with how things are in this day and ages; with mobile
dating apps like Tinder and Bumble where decisions are made on the
swipe of a finger, maybe immediacy is the key, and a single date is
enough to decide. It's just so exhausting, and morale sapping, when
you get that message the next day saying that there's not going to be
another date.
Still,
even though I've said all this, you just know I'll be back on the
apps...
